What do you do when you don’t know something? That’s one question that you don’t have to Google the answer to. Quick-drawing your phone is practically a reflex.
So it’s not surprising that for a googolplex – okay, a lot – of modern men, the Hoover of search engines is their de facto personal stylist. “Hey Google, what should I wear?”
That begs the question though: should you trust Google for style advice? And given that the top result for that particular search is an article about health websites, we’d suggest not. FashionBeans has therefore compiled more relevant and, dare we say, qualified answers to some of the strangest yet regularly googled style questions. Search no more.
Oh, and other search engines are available.
What To Wear For Engagement Photos
A look of resignation (to cringe-inducing engagement photos, not your betrothed)? To the extent that engagement photos have a point, it’s to be a less stuffy, more “fun” (shudder) version of your wedding photos. That could mean wearing your everyday clothes, but maybe not your favourite sweatpants. You’ll also want to look back at them and not hate yourself any more than you did at the time, so nothing that’ll go too far out of fashion.
Female-focused wedding websites counsel wearing clothes “that make you feel like you” (because this isn’t at all staged), that complement your other half but don’t matchy-match (bleurgh) and that won’t distract or create weird visual effects (so not bright or busy).
“Be mindful of how your colour scheme will flow through the collection of photos,” says Brides.com, which also recommends restricting yourself to two outfit changes. (Wait, collection? Outfit changes?!)
What To Wear For Passport Photos
Anything, apart from maybe your “Drug Mule” T-shirt. What you definitely shouldn’t wear is sunglasses or tinted glasses, which are expressly forbidden. Other glasses are fine if you need them, as long as your eyes are visible “without any glare or reflection”.
And make sure your Transitions have cleared up. You also can’t wear anything obscuring your face, a head covering (unless for religious or medical reasons) or your hair in front of your eyes. Time for a trim.
What To Wear For Jury Duty
You don’t have to deliberate in a suit and tie like the cast of 12 Angry Men. Indeed, there’s no law on what to wear for jury duty. Most of the guidelines centre on comfort: you’ll be sitting around for a long time. T-shirts – as long as they don’t have obvious or offensive logos – and jeans won’t be prosecuted as fashion crimes.
The Scottish Courts and Tribunals Service’s verdict is as follows: “Although there are no set rules as to what jurors should wear, your choice of clothing should be comfortable but smart, so as to reflect the importance of the role you are to play in court.” We sentence you to smart-casual.
What To Wear In Court
Again, there’s no dress code for the witness stand or dock. But if you roll up looking dishevelled, that’s probably not going to help your case. Equally, you don’t want to overdress, or be blinged up to your eyeballs, especially if you’re hoping for sympathy. Justly or not, you’ll be judged by your appearance, so it won’t hurt and might help to try and create a positive impression, or at least a not-negative one.
You might want to cover tattoos (yes, some police forces permit visible ink now, but stigma still exists in some quarters) and remove piercings. See to it that you’re tidily groomed. Polish your shoes. In other words, don’t give onlookers any grounds to object.
What To Wear To A Funeral
The short answer is: black. The slightly longer answer is: dark colours.
“Black is still the usual colour of mourning but it is not essential to wear unbroken black,” says etiquette guide Debrett’s, AKA the Ask Jeeves of style advice. “A dark colour, such as grey or navy blue, is acceptable.”
A funeral is about paying your respects, so you ought to look respectable. “Men should wear a dark suit with a black tie,” says Debrett’s, with a tailored coat over the top in cold weather and not a fleece or anorak. If you don’t own a suit, then shirt, trousers and shoes.
Paying respects doesn’t always mean wearing a suit, though. It’s not unheard of for members of certain professions – the military, police, fire service – or even sports teams to wear their uniforms in a show of solidarity. Maybe run that by the family first though.
Sometimes the family will tell you what to wear or not, in line with the deceased’s wishes. This correspondent once had to wear a Chelsea shirt for the funeral of a first cousin once removed. As an almost entirely Arsenal family, it gave us a wry chuckle.
What To Wear To A Wake
The wake typically takes place immediately after the funeral, in which case the above applies. Even if you’re only attending the former, you’re still paying your respects, so err on the side of formal.
As Debrett’s elegantly puts it: “It is a time for sensitivity and awareness, which, as always, are the essence of etiquette.”
What To Wear To Disneyland
Yellow tie, of course. Mickey Mouse wears a tailcoat, after all.
Joking aside, there is an official Disneyland dress code. “The parks are a casual, family-oriented environment,” it says. “We suggest you dress comfortably, wear good walking shoes and check the local weather report before you leave for the parks.”
If that all sounds family-friendly enough, know that breaching the Disneyland dress code can “result in refusal of admittance or ejection”. The Magic Kingdom will banish you for clothing with “objectionable material” (obscene language or graphics, not cheap fabrics), that is “excessively torn or drags on the ground” (for safety, not taste) and that exposes “excessive portions of the skin” (mouse securely in house).
Multiple layers, while practical, are subject to search. Bare feet and “inappropriate” visible tattoos are also verboten, as are masks and costumes for over-14s.
Your cosplay opportunities are restricted to special events such as the Halloween party, which have their own guidelines. “Acceptable” accessories include “transparent wings, plastic lightsabers, toy swords and tutus”. If all that fails, the Mouse House has been doing some ace collabs with the likes of Levi’s, Uniqlo and Vans in the last couple of years.
What To Wear For A Massage
Aye, there’s the rub, as Hamlet said while pondering this very conundrum. You’ve basically got three options: your underwear, the disposable underwear provided (so that yours don’t get oily) or no underwear. By all means ask your practitioner beforehand, although they’ll usually defer to your preference.
As a rule of thumb, less material makes things easier for them, although you might be required to wear shorts if you’re having, say, sports massage or injury treatment on your legs or hips. If not, then don’t fret about it: you’ll be covered by a sheet anyway.
What To Wear For A Sauna
Not much: it gets pretty hot in there. But at least a towel or swimwear, to protect your modesty – and the eyes of sauna-goers – as much as preserve it: those benches get pretty hot too. And definitely no metal jewellery, which in the heat can effectively become a branding iron.
What To Wear To A Club
You mean “da club” as opposed to the member’s or golf variety? Dress codes can vary wildly on different nights at the same club, never mind between venues. So your best bet is to trawl the website and social media of the club or night in question and see what other clubbers wore. If nothing else, they got in dressed like that.
If you just want to know what to wear to a club generally, then the principles of eveningwear dictate dark colours such as black, midnight blue or charcoal grey, broken up with white. But unless there’s a specific dress code, these days you needn’t wear anything more sophisticated than jeans, T-shirt and a denim, leather or light bomber jacket.
The only real stumbling block is footwear. If you’re going to a club that insists on “proper shoes”, then smart-cazh Chelsea boots, hybrid shoes with trainer-style soles and “dress trainers” – minimalist, leather and in a colour other than white – are admissible alternatives to your work Oxfords. If you have any issues, just show the bouncer this article.
What To Wear On A Cruise
A grandad shirt? Just kidding, pops. It depends on your cruise line and itinerary, which will almost certainly come with its own dress code. But to float the boats of younger passengers, many lines have relaxed their sartorial policies in recent years. Still, some don’t allow jeans, especially shark-attacked ones, in some or all restaurants; swimwear and flip-flops also don’t tend to wash at meals. (Smart shorts should cut the mustard though.)
Bear in mind too that the chance to dress up is what attracts some people, particularly older ones, to cruises in the first place. Leaving aside self-explanatory black tie dinners, opaque-seeming cruise dress codes such as “resort casual”, “elegant day dress” and “semi-formal” are mostly variations on smart-casual: a tailored jacket, legwear that isn’t jeans, footwear that isn’t trainers. Deck shoes ahoy.
What To Wear To Graduation
Robes, mortarboard and Gryffindor scarf. Done. Most universities have their own graduation dress code that you should study in plenty of time – not the night before – as well as a preferred supplier of hired robes (and mortarboards if called for). But most of them stipulate a suit, or shirt and trousers, plus proper shoes.
A shirt is fairly crucial so the hood of your robe can hook around one of the buttons. A jacket is optional but can add structure under your gown. On the flip side, those furry robes can be toasty: factor in the temperature so you’re not “passing out” in another sense.
What To Wear To A Nineties Party
More or less anything that’s available to buy in 2019. If you want to look cool, and maybe wear your costume after, Google “Kurt Cobain”. If not, “Fred Durst”.
Answers To The Strangest Style Questions Ever Googled
Some of the oddest dress codes known to man right here…